It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
