You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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