dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
