i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
