Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
