The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
