I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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