Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
