Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
