I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
