don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
