'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
