i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
