hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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