I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
