if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
