just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
