I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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