I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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