ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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