This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
