we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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