I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Life is so much better after having sex.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
