did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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