Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
