I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
