i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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