Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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