life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I still have a little drunk in my system
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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