I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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