Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it penis luge time yet?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
