Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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