I'm so fucking centered right now
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
