did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's like iHOP with fire
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
