Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
