Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
