I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You ate ashes out of my bong
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
