you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
