I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
