Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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