I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
