Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
