I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
