4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
