The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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