please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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