oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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