Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
