Pants 0. Shit 1.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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