Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
