thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think your dad took our porno
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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