so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
