You just made me feel so damn special
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So squirting runs in the family.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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