i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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