yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
