What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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