Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
