I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
