it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
