hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
