Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
