Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
