so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
