if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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